Sixteen apply for Louisville police chief's post

Not that good. good reading tho

Im Gonna profile YOU:

Your father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery.

Your mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.

Your father would womanize; he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament ...

Your childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon ... luge lessons ... In the spring, you'd make meat helmets ... When you were insolent you were placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds - pretty standard, really.

At the age of 12, You received your first scribe.

At the age of 14, a Zoroastrian named Vilmer ritualistically shaved your testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum - it's breathtaking ...

Am I close????