1.Ties are obviously phallic. It’s a big arrow pointing down at your weiner (unless you're tie baby, he is without one), saying “LOOK AT ME!” Who wears skinny ties? Short, fat ones? Bow ties? Losers. Are they losers because of their ties, or do they wear those ties because they’re losers? Best avoid the question altogether by not wearing one at all. A little mystery goes a long way.